Rusty Rosman’s Two Envelopes: Helping families, one book—and one question—at a time

What’s the question that’s likely to spark an emotional response in your family?

As I move across the country talking with groups about Two Envelopes, I am fascinated by which questions my readers find the most challenging in my book. After all, there are dozens of questions in Two Envelopes so that readers can explain clearly, well in advance: “What You Want Your Loved Ones to Know When You Die.”

For some, my book sparks emotional conversations about what a person wants to wear, after death during their pre-funeral visitation. For others, the big question is: What music should be played at my memorial service? Or: Will someone remember that I deserve military honors? Or: Who gets Grandma’s ring or Grandpa’s clock? 

When I see or hear about families resolving those questions, then I know that I did a good thing in bringing my book into the world. Helping a family to avoid conflict like this is a mitzvah.

This week, I spoke to a small group of people at the Chabad Jewish Center of Commerce, Michigan, where I met an older couple with a fairly common complication, these days.

Here’s the scenario: They are in their 60s and have been married about 15 years. They met at a regional dance festival to which they traveled from their home states. She had been married before; but this was his first marriage. She brought children and grandchildren into their blended family—so she would like to be buried in another state closer to those kids. However, Michigan is his home and he’s got his family buried here.

After my presentation and Q&A with the audience, I noticed that they remained in their seats for a while—talking about the question: Where should we be buried?

Because they were able to have an open conversation about this—far from the emotions of an actual death—they resolved the question in favor of her children and grandchildren.

“OK,” he said, “I’ll agree to be buried with you there.”

She told me that she was going home happy—relieved, in the first place, that they been prompted to discuss the question. And, of course, she liked the outcome—especially because they were able to discuss it while they both are alive and healthy.

By agreeing to be buried together in her home state, he was making a sacrifice, he admitted. But this was a matter of their true love overcoming his roots in metro Detroit. He wanted to be with her—and he wanted her to be happily with her kids.

Their story thrilled me! 

After all, that’s why I undertook all the work of researching the book, writing and editing and designing the book—and now hitting the road both physically and virtually to help readers understand more about this process of planning ahead.

For this couple, the alternative might have been avoiding this discussion until, one day, a grieving survivor and loved ones would have to wrestle with the question of a final resting place within a day or so of the shock of death.

The work I am doing is more than simply acting as a writer promoting a new book. 

What I’m really doing is helping families—one book at a time, one question at a time.