Dr. Bob Cutillo: Feeling alone? Gather friends and consider discussing a book

Holding on in the Storm as a Small Group Resource

By BOB CUTILLO, MD
Author of Holding on in the Storm

When we were nearing the end of the writing process for my memoir Holding on in the Storm, it became increasingly clear that it could be a particular blessing if it was read and discussed in community. We worked hard at crafting discussion questions after each chapter to encourage individual and group reflection. As Mark Galli, one of the endorsers, said, “Holding on in the Storm is not just about one husband’s grief, but how he wrestled biblically in a culture whose approach to life issues seems so reasonable but is so often at odds with our faith. This makes it a perfect book for small group study—both an engaging heartfelt story along with a clear-headed biblical understanding of suffering and death.”

It was a dream come true when a small group of men recently chose to use Holding on in the Storm for a 6-week book study during the season of Lent. I participated in the first meeting with the group to introduce the book. Following that, the group facilitator led the conversations over the following weeks.

Here is how he described the process:

When Dr. Bob first introduced his new book Holding on in the Storm to us, he made me aware of a new way—a biblical way—of understanding loss and grief. I knew that I needed to process some personal history in the company of others and embrace a new coping mechanism to prepare for the losses which lie ahead for all of us. I bought some of these books and sent them out. We decided to host a men’s Lenten study based on the book.

Fortunately, this book includes a well-crafted study guide that allows a small group to read and discuss these vital topics over the course of six sessions. In the weeks of Lent leading up to the Passion and the Resurrection, 16 of us journeyed with Bob through his wife’s cancer battle, her death, and his grief. We looked at the challenges to biblical faith, and followed Bob’s turning to the Bible for understanding and solace. We chose to use an early morning Zoom meeting with break-out rooms of three men. In each huddle, Dr. Bob’s discussion questions launched the open sharing of our reflections on the chapters for the day. Returning to the main session after 12-15 minutes, we highlighted any key discoveries with the full assembly. The one-hour meeting ended with a final question for the entire group and a closing prayer to speed us into our day.

That’s what I hoped might happen

As I wrote this book in a spirit of great vulnerability, I tried to invite readers to be vulnerable themselves. This is especially powerful when done in community. As one participant said:

The impact this study made on these men is profound. Several reported making new personal connections because of the huddles. To a man, there was open sharing of experiences and fears with healthy transparency. Authentic Agape friendships were forged and strengthened. We allowed each other to be heard and understood. A very edifying experience for all. Discovering Dr. Bob’s book and following his guidance in the small group format is highly recommended.

Many experienced changes in how they viewed loss and suffering and the place of God in the midst of it all. Here’s another response from the group:

Sharing this with 15 other men brought a unique clarity on the diversity of our experiences as well as the methods for dealing with it. Some had compartmentalized loss while others wore it as a shield on the exterior. Everyone was different. This was the richness that helped me grow from this experience.  

All the while there was spiritual guidance provided by the author. I learned that God has a plan for me and, to be happy in my place, I have to accept change. Acceptance then leads to peace, thus happiness. That’s me. Others grew in other ways by sharing with the group and by digesting the wonderful book. Lives have been impacted by this book. Holding on in the Storm is a marvelous title that parallels life and the trials we all face.

One man, brought up in Africa, said loss and trauma occurred so often during his years there that he never had the chance to process his grief. For the first time he found a space and place to begin to grieve.

Another participant said:

Through breakout discussions and deeply personal conversations, I was repeatedly challenged and humbled in my faith. Dr. Cutillo’s honest, self-revealing words opened doors in my heart that I had quietly kept shut and guarded. 

His wisdom helped me reframe my relationship with loss and equipped me with language and courage to engage family and friends in honest grief conversations. Personally, I was humbled at how he beautifully draws on many different Psalms as well as challenging Christians to the Hebrew concept of Chesed (i.e., God’s steadfast, faithful love) and the Greek idea of Theosis (i.e, being transformed into God’s likeness) as anchors of hope in the darkest seasons.

Most profoundly, Dr. Cutillo challenged me to move beyond a simple cry of “Why?” toward the far richer question: “What for?”—trusting that God redeems our suffering with purpose. I emerged a better Christian, husband, father, and friend. This is not merely a book and a study about death—it’s an experience of learning to live and love more faithfully through loss.

I believe that other groups would find it a rewarding experience to use this book for group study. I know that it can be helpful for men’s groups, as men are often discouraged from being vulnerable with one another. I was especially encouraged that these men chose to journey together for six weeks and share their lives so intimately.

If you are interested in organizing a group study of this book, or using it within an existing book club, Sunday School class, or other group setting, please contact me at [email protected]. I would be happy to join you for the first session, either remotely or in-person, location permitting. There is also a free downloadable discussion guide available at holdingoninthestorm.com, giving several formats and suggestions for leading a group.

I hope you will consider this opportunity sometime soon.